Posted by Darryl Gregory Coffey on August 31, 2009:

In a message dated 6/4/2009 11:57:49 A.M. Central Daylight Time, dg coffey writes: My father died tonight, and I don't know how to feel. I was just at a gravesite with him two weeks ago listening to him talk about his great grandfather at a grist mill when he was my 4-year-old Camryn's age. I will make sure my children remember him. He was a quiet, intelligent, and dignified man. The most important thing I learned from him is to love your wife, support your family and keep it together. His life-long generosity was an expression of his love. The depth of his love could be measured in patience and persistence. His dedication to his wife, his children, his mother, his country and his work is what defined him. The best part of him will live on in me, his other children and his grandchildren. I am wracked with painful shivers and sobs, with cold and hot flashes of fever as my emotions of loss flood my body with uncontrollable waves of chaotic energy. My eyes burn with tears, a low roar fills my ears as if I'm hearing blood rushing through my veins. It's as if I'm experiencing the portion of my father's soul that resides in me, tearing loose from every part of me as his soul leaves this earth. My body must be in shock, I've never felt this sensation before. It's somewhat alarming, but I'm sure it's a natural sensory overload, brought on by an extreme emotional release. It is very difficult to type, but I am alone in my truck in the rain, somewhere in South Carolina and this scratched up blackberry has been there for me as an outlet and a coping mechanism through the roughest, most emotionally taxing, two years of my life. I've come to the conclusion that its therapeutic. A way of holding my own hand, and method of channeling my emotions, and working through them. I love my parents and the family they raised. We siblings have a maturing love and respect for each other that continues to build our parents' foundation. I'm so grateful to have come out of my personal anger that threatened to destroy me last year. In that state I had severely wounded both of my parents, for which I'll always bear a shame. I don't think either of them ever have fully recovered from those wounds, but I think they could see me, making improvements in positive directions. I have desperately tried to connect with my Dad for the last twenty years, but we spoke different emotional languages. I have a need to talk and share feelings and ideas. Dad demonstrates his love by being a strong support system and excellent provider. I think Mom is the only person he would bare his soul to. I believe that unique bond with her is what gave him the strength to weather the storms of their life and thrive over nearly 50 years. He was the solid sturdy ship that carried the load, and Mom was his rudder. It was an arrangement that traveled far and served many. There were turbulent waters that at times created tremendous tension and stress that threatened to break apart the union. Loving care always managed to make good on repairs which allowed the voyage to continue. Yet in the twilight cruise, in the tranquil harbor, after some fifty years at sail, some unseen and unsuspected leak, caused the vessel to falter and fail. In the calm shallow waters all that remains exposed is the weathered but sturdy rudder. Still joined in every way to her love, and still supported by that love. Although she feels exposed like never before, and may have thoughts to have preferred to go down with her ship. The ship who had for a lifetime protected her in his wake. But her work is not finished, and her family, the children and grandchildren still need her guidance and her example. We embody the spirit of the ship and our Mother remains to keep us on course. We love her and can never know all she has sacrificed. We admire her for all she has accomplished and will accomplish in the future. We respect her for her devotion to her husband, family, and health. We are grateful for our parents loving example. We do our best to follow their path. -- Darryl

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